50 shades of single

By Jon Adams and Dena Behar

Worried about feeling lonely this Valentine’s Day? Fret no more, because 50 Shades of Grey, the steamy romance novel by E.L. James, will be making its silver screen debut. Lie about your age, say you’re seeing Paddington the Bear, do whatever you can; this is one love story you won’t want to miss.

Anastasia Steele (Dakota Johnson) is a young reporter doing a personal piece on Christian Grey (Jamie Dornan), the billionaire founder of Grey Industries. She’s intoxicated by his good looks, intense demeanor, and persistent pursuit for her affections. But it’s not all fun and games in this twisted love story turned afternoon escape to the cinema for unsatisfied housewives. Grey has a dark past he’s not eager to share and “singular” tastes he’s reluctant to “enlighten” Steele of.

If you’re like us, and you watch the trailer a good five times a day, you’ll be keen to experience the elevator scene where Dornan miraculously looks sexy in a very dad-esque t-shirt. If you’re a Beyoncé fan, you’ll be excited to hear Queen Bey’s slowed-down version of “Crazy in Love” and her new single “Haunted.” The film appeals to everyone: unhappy housewives, repressed adolescents, nuns looking for a day off of from the convent, closeted teens, and “mature” tweens who beg their parents to drag them along because they “can handle it.”

Johnson is the daughter of Melanie Griffith and granddaughter of Hollywood legend Tippi Hedren, who starred in Alfred Hitchcock’s The Birds. Although she was previously in The Social Network and the TV show “Ben and Kate,” 50 Shades will surely be her career-defining role. Dornan, a former Calvin Klein underwear model graced with the body of a god and the voice of an alluring Irish rugby player, has been in films as early as 2007. His first onscreen role was that of Count Axel Fersen, the French queen’s Swedish lover in Soffia Coppola’s Marie Antoinette, and he currently portrays a psycho but somehow sexy serial killer in the BBC show “The Fall.”

There’s no doubt that 50 Shades will be the talk of sleepover gossip sessions among fourteen-year-olds for months to come, or at least until 50 Shades Darker, its sequel, is released. However, this movie is neither for the faint of heart nor the prude. Don’t be predictable and see it with your boyfriend or girlfriend (you know who you are, and we hate you). See it with your best friend who you can analyze every hot and steamy detail with. Who knows, maybe you’ll even see us there, sitting in the front row while Jon’s older sister chaperones him from the back. So get out your fake ID, smother your popcorn in butter, and prepare to never look at your mother and her book club the same again. See you there!

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